collection of anecdotes

The husband comes home to his wife:.

- Honey, I came home.
- My dear, it seems we will soon be three!.
Her husband embraces his wife in front of clezami joy. wife:.
- Tomorrow comes to my mom!.

March 8. My wife washes the dishes. My husband reads the newspaper, and suddenly remembers that he forgot to congratulate his wife on a holiday.
- Honey, what do you wash your dishes? .

Frustrated by her husband comes home, undresses sluggish, eating without appetite. My wife has decided to please her husband and says:.
- Expensive! .
My husband ( detached ): - And you, too.

Sweetheart, how do you feel about anal sex?.
Well, if this is what you really want and like, why not?.
- Wow! .
Yes, you know, I was very little interested in how you communicate it with your friends.

At McDonald's:.
- Free Cash!.
- From my wife left, the car drove away, the house burned down, and the children live with another uncle! .
- And here we are with it?.
- Give a burger!.
- The guy did not do it, you're still so young!.

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Mother-in-law put on the table a bowl of noodles.
- Well now, look, son, you're a man.
- Mom! .

I do not want to travel by train. I snore very much, and do not want all the compartments.
the whole night laughed at me.

- King, why are you not to depart? .
- Not a royal thing - running from the pawn!.

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We met two old friends, went to the bar. One other said:.
- Go for a beer, take two thirds of the ' Baltic '.
- He goes, bring a few bottles.
- Why are you so taken? .
- Well. I'm a mathematician! .

The firm held a competition for the best player in the game of patience ' solitaire '.
Winners of the first three places, was fired.

- What is a decent woman, and that such a slut?.
- Slut - a lonely woman who - longing, and goes to bed potoskuet a. A decent like the order: today one, tomorrow with another.

Ship ppohodit past few ostpova in the ocean, the eccentricity bopodaty myzhchina kpichit something desperately pazmahivaya pykami.
- Who is it? .
- I have no idea. Each year, we're here ppohodim, he 's just coming off a yma.

The mother turns to an eight daughters:.
- Daughter, at your age, I kept a diary.
- It is out of date, my mother. Now I 'm a database.

The employee told. Traveling in a minibus with a kid 3.5 years. Muzhikok sat down in an easy drunk. He looks fondly at the child and asks:.
- Baby, what's your name?.
- Gosh!.
The man smiles from ear to ear, then honey agarics asks:.
- And what will you be when you grow up?.
Lad looked at him like an idiot:.
- Gosha!.

You're blonde, ya odmin,.
Tibya much ya Adin,.
You're on the caps, ya patstulom,.
Scholknu mouse plyusadin.

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111: Are you blonde?.
222: Nooo )).
111: Country.
222: Russia )).

An apple from the tree not far yabnulos.

African apes have invented a new way of collecting bananas! .

- Blonde, brunette and redhead are studying in class 3. Who has more breasts?.
- Do blondes. she is 18.

Cottage - a place where the sapling becomes a tree, the seed - a vegetable, but a man - cancer.

I have a Fox 18 years difference in age. And when she asked in bewilderment, which may be common among you, it rounds up his eyes and answered: - What do you mean! .

- Okay, I went. If anything, call. By the way, I have a new number. Make a note?.
- It is better to write. At the Le x -st but no- action.

- Excuse me, girl, my wife and I missed, could you talk a little bit with me?.
- Why?.
- Every time I talk to a beautiful girl, my wife how to grow out of the ground.

- Your wife can stop a running horse?.
- When it without makeup - they themselves stand on end.

- Moshe, are you happy?.
- And where can I go to go.

A pair of snowmen, a husband and a wife, ride a snowball in his yard.
Neighbor pair, observing that:.
- Went to, I suppose, to her bedroom, shameless!.

Someone told me that during the leapfrog the dollar with the euro saw a poster in a computer store:.
>If $ Euro then.
y. e. = $.
else.
y. e. = Euro.

- Moderator, you are very, very deeply mistaken.
- Minus 200 for a hidden matrix.

Uses a small boy to the Pope.
- Dad! .
Dad, not looking up from the newspaper:.
- Well, and who are you, a fool, asked to stick his hand in the cage?.

Jack brought home his girlfriend and her mother is:.
- Mom, it's a wonderful girl. She knows how to perfectly cook, likes to bake pies, carefully assumed control of the apartment.
- Well, my son! .

- I know you guys! .
- Well, why did the whole night? .

- Why in Estonia horseradish football?.
- Do you know what their fines for walking on the lawn?.

- Who gets more pleasure from sex - male or female?.
- Woman. Here's why.
Imagine for a moment that you have itchy ears. You scratched it with his finger. When you dropped the hand, who feels better - ear or finger?.


- Gogi, you acted in the biathlon?.
- Kanechno.
- And a lot of targets struck?.
- What surprised? .

Laughter prolongs life in 5 minutes.
Sex prolongs a member for 15 minutes.
Conclusion: The smallest member extends life by five minutes.

submarine. Evening verification.
- Ivanov!.
- Here!.
- And where are you on the dick, deneshsyat.